something beautiful.

Once again, I’m changing the name of the blog, because making up my mind is something that will never happen. This one is inspired by the ending toast by Mr. Fox in Fantastic Mr. Fox. I honestly don’t remember exactly what was said, but it just struck me as a solution for everything I’m facing in my life right now. Without being whiney and emotional, I can just sum it up by saying everything is freaking me out. I just usually know what’s going on in my life and have plans of sorts. I don’t right now and I haven’t been handling it well. Back to the topic…it hit me that there’s something beautiful in store. For everything. Even all the scary and unexpected things. There’s beauty in the mundane. And I’m not meaning to be all artistic and philosophic. That’s not why I write stuff like this; it’s just what’s on my mind.
Which brings me to another subject.
I’m usually just bad at expressing myself because I’m so conscious of how it will be received. Which is just dumb. Side-note: because this is a forum of my thoughts, don’t expect it to have proper syntax or sentence structure. I’ll try for grammar and spelling just because the misuse would drive me batty. But there are no promises other than that. Don’t judge. And back: sometimes when I can’t sleep I’ll just write my thoughts instead and this is what I had to say on the subject the other night apparently.
I fear speaking my mind or writing my thoughts because there’s always someone who can do it better. (Obviously not my own thoughts, but their own.) Someone will always scoff. But I still have all these thoughts storming in my mind and the only way to get them out is through words. I’m just scared the words aren’t sufficient; that they’ll betray my thoughts. But what am I supposed to do? Drown in mediocrity and fear? My thoughts should have value. Maybe they do and only I see them as lackluster. It’s true; you are your own worst critic.

So my own little personal goal is to stop fearing everything. The next six months are going to be scary of course, but I know there will be something of value that comes from it. Something beautiful.