all seriousness set aside

I’ve also learned…
Mold grows at an implausibly fast rate.
Mosquitos are the most evil creature in the world.
If you don’t sweep every day, the cockroaches WILL come. It’s as if they spontaneously generate from the piles of dust that seem to accumulate in a matter of hours.
Ice cream is a godsend.
Never dry off. You’ll just wind up with a wet towel (sure to begin growing mold within seconds) and you’ll be wet by the time your clothes are on anyway.
Gum and cough drops will turn to an unrecognizable goo if not consumed within a week of opening the package.
There’s never a problem. If there’s one thing in common in every Chinese English-speakers’ vocabulary it’s “no problem.” Might as well believe them, right?
Long-term planning requires a generous 24 hours. Anymore than that would be a bit too ludicrous.
Traveling is easy. As was just established, planning isn’t really necessary and all you need is a back pack with a change of clothes after all.
Squat. Before I was converted to this practice, I would search for what seemed like a clean spot of ground to sit on. Well, that doesn’t exist in China. Be safe, just squat.
It’s not only not peculiar to carry your own chopsticks, but very practical also.
Cars aren’t necessary (but I’ll keep mine, thanks Daddy). Bikes can get you anywhere you need to go. More of them fit on a road. Parking isn’t such a pain. You get some sun, as long as you’re not hiding under an umbrella. And you can fit more bags than any one person could ever carry on their own, a ladder, several children, some buckets, a giant broom, animals, etc. on them with ease. Seriously. Just pile it on. No problem.
House shoes. Children, animals, and some adults treat the street as a litter box. You walk on that street. Those same shoes touch the floor in your home…you do the math.
Apparently certain fruits and vegetables will make sick children even sicker. I don’t agree with it but hey, it meant teacher got to eat all the watermelon at snack time when the kids were under the weather.
Those little towels in the back of the all the children’s shirts are not actually capes. They’re to soak up all the sweat. Which I thought was disgusting until I realized humidity does a curious thing when combined with heat and started wishing I could use a little towel in the back of my shirt too.
Vegetarianism is a safe-haven. Unless you enjoy eating every part of the animal imaginable, that is. Nothing goes to waste in Guangdong. And red tofu doesn’t exist, so don’t get your hopes up if you think you see it. It’s probably just coagulated pig’s blood.
Corn goes in anything. Porridge, milk, yoghurt, bread, rice, noodles, salad….
As miserable as it is, humid and hot is better than humid and cold. We have fans and air conditioning, ice cream and cold drinks and swimming pools to help with the heat. When you’re cold in Zhongshan, there’s only two ways to get warm: take a hot shower or put on every article of clothing you have, fill up a plastic bottle with water so hot it deforms it as you pour it in, and crawl with it under the thickest blanket you can find.
When crossing the street, look both ways. If you wait till both ways are clear, you will never cross the street. Take it one lane at a time. Cars will go around you when you’re in the middle of the road.
Apparently I’m the funny one? When a Chinese teacher was asking all of us, “Who of you do you think is the funniest?” I responded me, but only because I was telling her me for all of her “who is the most…” questions just for fun. But the other girls agreed with me on that one. Don’t I sound so humble? I don’t know whether it was a compliment of a “Mikelle definitely is the least serious of us…ahem” type comment. Whatever, I’ll take what I can get.
Bring your clothes in off the line the moment that they’re dry. It’s a rare occasion and if you neglect it, it will start to rain or the material will remember it’s in China and soak up the 99% humidity in the air which it somehow avoided.
A wok is the only pan you need.
Lines are a shady concept. You’ve got to be assertive. If you leave more than an inch in front of you in queue, someone WILL butt in front of you.
And last but not least, never refuse to watch movies based on books you’re opposed to with every fiber of your being. Mocking them provides endless hours of entertainment. “Is this about my soul?! Take it! I don’t want it without you!” “You can’t break up with me! I mean, you’re my best friend Jake!” Bravo, New Moon. I ALMOST can’t wait for Eclipse.